Whether it’s the way things used to be or the way things are now or some combination thereof, all of us have some vision of the way things ought to be. It’s a vision to which we attach much value, often investing significant emotional capital in it. And because of our investment we become far too reluctant to brook challenges to it, being either unwilling or unable to do the necessary work of rebuilding that vision should it prove to be faulty in some way, and it nearly always is faulty. Although we may recognize this tendency in ourselves—which is hard enough to deal with—we often fail to see it in others. But if we could get past the insecurity prompted by fear of being wrong long enough to hear the other guy’s vision, maybe both visions might be improved and the world made a better place. This becomes particularly difficult when dealing with deeply felt emotions like anger or grief.
We can start, in this and in all our human interaction, by using Dr. Jordan Peterson’s 9th Rule for Life: “Assume the person you are listening to might know something you don’t.” This is a particularly important rule to follow when listening to someone describing the ways in which their life is difficult and frustrating, and we’re tempted to minimize his feelings by telling him why he shouldn’t feel that way. Correcting someone’s feelings, however, may deny him the chance to understand for himself what he is going through since giving voice to one’s thoughts and feelings is to order things in an understandable way, perhaps for the first time. If we can’t talk about what troubles us, it remains unspeakable. Moreover, the process of discussion itself, says Dr. Peterson, “particularly something emotional, like a death or serious illness, is to slowly choose what to leave behind.” So, the speaker may wander and retrace his steps, working out his understanding and reaching for clarity. Though it may be difficult to stay with him as he wanders, as Christians we must be able to do this since our calling and mission is to enter into the suffering of our brothers and sisters.
In today’s Gospel, when Jesus entered into the suffering of this poor widow in Nain he did not explain, explicate, or excuse her suffering for the loss of her son. But, St. Cyril of Alexandria points out, there her son “meets…the Life and Resurrection, even Christ: for He is the Destroyer of death and of corruption: He it is ‘in Whom we live and move and are:’ He it is Who has restored the nature of man to that which it originally was; and has set free our death-fraught flesh from the bonds of death. He had mercy upon the woman, and that her tears might be stopped.”
St. Cyril also points out the significance of Jesus’ using not just His word to raise the boy, but also His touch:
It was, my beloved, that thou might learn that the holy body of Christ is effectual for the salvation of man. For the flesh of the Almighty Word is the body of life, and was clothed with His might. For consider, that iron, when brought into contact with fire, produces the effects of fire, and fulfills its functions; so, because it became the flesh of the Word, Who gives life to all, it therefore also has the power of giving life, and annihilates the influence of death and corruption.
If Christ has touched us, then like this Galilean son we also are raised from the dead. If Christ has touched us, then like iron in the fire we will become warmth and light to those around us. Rather than burning those around us with flame of our own passions, we should be the light and heat of Christ warming and illuminating them. We should be a comforting presence in the midst of suffering and struggle, however that struggle appears to us.
No disagreement, no disappointment, no suffering is too big for Christ to enter into with Life and Peace. Where are we? Are we unwilling to reconsider ourselves and how our presence affects our suffering neighbor? Or are we too busy congratulating ourselves for the correctness of our belief to be bothered?
St. Cyril’s prayer is also my own for us today: “May our Lord Jesus Christ also touch us, that delivering us from evil works, even from fleshly lusts, He may unite us to the assemblies of the saints; for He is the giver of all good, by Whom, and with Whom, to God the Father, be praise and dominion, with the Holy Spirit, for ever and ever, Amen.”
An Orthodox Priest Abroad 